Snow, snow, and more snow

I grew up in NY state, so I've seen my fair share of snow. Honestly, I'm not so much of a fan of the white stuff. I'll admit that it's beautiful when the flakes are falling or when the trees and ground are covered in a blanket of clean white snow. However it is not fun when we get up to 15 inches of snow in one day in an area where they do not have proper snow removal systems. School was cancelled on Friday and the snow piled up all day. My roommates had to park at the bottom of our street, about a mile away up and down hill. They had to walk home. My car was stuck in the driveway for 4 days. Church was cancelled. The bowling party was cancelled. Christmas party, cancelled. Cabin Fever in full swing. The house is extra clean. We finally got the whole family out and to the mall to do our Christmas shopping on Sunday. Then Monday I was sick all day. Boo! The good news? I'll be home for Christmas in less than 2 days. Even though it's in NY and there will probably be MORE snow!

You've Got Mail

Tonight I caught the second half of one of my all-time favorite 'chick flicks', "You've Got Mail". There's a guy that I've been emailing quite similarly to the way the main characters of this movie do. Of course, they fall in love and live happily ever after. This is how I feel when I log on to my email: Kathleen Kelly in "You've Got Mail": What will NY152 say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail. I hear nothing. Not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beating of my own heart. I have mail. From you. and my second favorite quote "Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void." That would be my purpose in my blog, to send my cosmic questions into the void. 'So good night, dear void.'

Comedy of Errors

So, I suppose that if we were able to have a "mulligan" or "re do" to start our day over that we would never realize our need for God and his grace and mercy. Still, I could have used a "mulligan" today. It started off with a cold shower (thanks girls!), then progressed to staining my favorite white sweater. Actually the stain leaked through my denim jacket, my white sweater and the white cami under it! So, I turned around and went home to change my clothes and soak the stained ones. I am happy to report that the stains have been successfully eliminated. I returned to work a little exasperated to find that my supervisor had called in sick. Again. I think I have already reported how I cannot accomplish anything at work without her there. Not because I am a poor employee, but because she does not plan ahead to give me tasks to do. Leading to my usual bordem at work. So, her supervisor went through her desk and handed me pile after pile of things to do and go through. Ah, satisfaction! I was so happy to be occupied that I lost track of time and nearly forgot to pick up the kid from school! I was 15 minutes late in picking her up. Not too big a deal, but amusing all the same. So there is the story of my comical day. For the remainder of the day I hope to be productive without the mishaps.

Lessons in humility

My mom and brother informed me that the reason I am still single is due to the fact that I'm too independant. So I have come to the conclustion that "Yankee B****" = too independant and "Southern Belle" = helpless. So I need to become a "Yankee Belle", keeping a litle of my independance while admitting I'm a little helpless. So after coming to this conclusion I tried to change my own headlight on my car today and I had to finally ask John for help after I couldn't get it done on my own. A big lesson in humility. It reminded me of a couple weeks ago when it was pouring down rain after church and I jokingly asked my guy friends to pull my car around. One of them said "Aren't you an independant woman?". Aw crap! I can't have it both ways, but I've had to be an independant worman. Now though, I think I need to show my softer, feminine side.

I'm confused...

Did I make the right decision when I moved here? I feel like everything has gone wrong since I came here. God keeps taking care of me, he promised he would, but I feel so lost. Like I'm treading water and waiting for the rescue boat and afraid that it's staring me in the face. My friends in NY were all getting married or beginning families, so I thought that moving here would be a change and that would lead to finding my man. Well, 20 months later I still don't have a man and my NC friends are all getting married or having kids. So, I don't feel I've changed anything other than the distance to my sister's house. I don't really want to move back to NY, even though I was happy there, but I'm really depressed over the lack of man in my life. My only childhood dream was to grow up and be a mommy. Why is it 31 years later and it's still not happening? God, this Christmas I want a husband. Thank you, love me.

re Isaiah 54

Someone spoke the words of Isaiah 54 (see previous post) to me once. I know that the passage is really speaking to Israel and about Gentiles being the children that are welcomed into the tent. I'm sure I was lamenting the lack of biological children in my life. (I have no husband and therefore no kids of my own). I work with kids as a nanny, day care teacher and in Church settings and they were showing me this passage and equating me with the barren woman who has to make her home bigger to accomodate the many children whose lives she is a part of. I feel blessed in that way, however; I really still want my own children.
Last night I was honest with my small group when they asked me about my prayer request. I told them that I really want a husband. The friend who prayed for me last night was the first that prayed that a man will come into my life soon. That was so cool! Most people who I share this with pray that I will have patience until the "right one" comes along, or share platitudes about waiting or being patient or something lame like that. I also shared with my mom that I'm tired of waiting and she decided to start being specific in her praying and pray that the guy will come along this Christmas! That has also become my prayer!

Isaiah 54

Isaiah 54 (The Message)
Spread Out! Think Big!
1-6 "Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby.
Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth!
You're ending up with far more children
than all those childbearing women." God says so!
"Clear lots of ground for your tents!
Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big!
Use plenty of rope,
drive the tent pegs deep.
You're going to need lots of elbow room
for your growing family.
You're going to take over whole nations;
you're going to resettle abandoned cities.
Don't be afraid—you're not going to be embarrassed.
Don't hold back—you're not going to come up short.
You'll forget all about the humiliations of your youth,
and the indignities of being a widow will fade from memory.
For your Maker is your bridegroom,
his name, God-of-the-Angel-Armies!
Your Redeemer is The Holy of Israel,
known as God of the whole earth.
You were like an abandoned wife, devastated with grief,
and God welcomed you back,
Like a woman married young
and then left," says your God.

I've gotta stop watching tv

It's Christmas time and nearly every channel is showing some kind of Christmas special movie. What's so wrong with that? Nothing, unless you're a single gal with a biological clock that's not just ticking-the alarm's going off! It seems that 90% of these Christmas movies are about women who are "not quite spring chickens anymore" who have been misfortunate in love...UNTIL...Christmas!...and POW! There he is! Standing under the mistletoe, the perfect man who in a matter of minutes has fallen head-over-heels in love with the heroine. Nobody ever makes a movie about the other girl. The one who doesn't get her man gift wrapped under the tree. Nobody wants to see that kind of film, and I can't blame them...I watch that story unfold in my real life, day after day after day after day...(you get the idea). I just don't know what it's going to take to make things change. 19 months ago I uprooted myself out of my monotonus life and moved to NC to take on a new adventure. Well, adventure is what I got. Just not the kind I expected. Ever since it's been one bad episode after another. Struggling through a job that blamed me for every failure, loosing all my employment, my father dying, being unemployed for several months, struggling with drepression, insomnia, and lack of motivation. One of my favorite holiday movies is appropriatly named "The Holiday" in it Iris declares "You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own story!". I still feel like I'm playing the role of the sad pathetic backround character that you feel sorry for occasionally, but then you never really give her a second thought since you're all wrapped up in the story line of the main (good-looking) characters.

My guardian angel

I have a tendancy to drive a little fast, especially if I'm running a little late. Some years ago, I became aware that whenever I was in my biggest hurry I would seem to get stuck behind a slow moving pick up truck. Never the same truck and never the same route, but it never seemed to fail. I would be in a hurry and get stuck driving behind a pick up that took the speed limit sign as suggested speed to approach with caution. That's when I decided that my guardian angel drives a pick up truck. He pulls out in front of me when I'm driving fast to keep me out of harms way. It always reminds me of one of my dad's favorite pieces of driving advice: better to arrive late than to arrive dead. So instead of getting angry now, I slow down and thank God for taking care of me and preventing whatever accident I may miss by driving a little slower.