Grief

Today I've forgotten what it's like to be happy or to smile. The grief is overwhelming. I miss my family, my constant source of unconditional love. Between the saddness and being snowed in several weekends, I am almost ready to move home. I wish I had my own place, a fortress of solitude, but I simply can't afford it. Grieving is even more difficult for a single person. Who do we turn to? Who supports us? Who is there at the end of the day to simply listen, hold you as you weep, to make you put down that seventh piece of chocolate, or make you laugh and "snap" you out of your dispondancy? No one. At the end of it all, you're crying by yourself in your cold bed while all your friends give you those pathetic looks of pity and ask you "how are you doing?". Do you really want to know? Are you truly looking to support me in MY grief? Or are you simply asking to ease your own conscience? Then when you do answer truthfully you depress everyone and then no one wants to be around you and the invitations stop coming and again you are on your own. Sitting in your room, staring at the computer willing someone ANYONE to send you a message, waiting for your phone to ring simply to hear the voice of another human being. My sister is the only person who has ever been able to "get me". Yes, I'll admit it...in my highly vulnerable state, I've let down the guard around my heart and offered it to the man who has repeatedly proven he does not want it. Once again I will need to pick it up and tend to the bruises and build a stronger defence.