It was a cover, a ruse...

I didn't really ever want it. I pretended I did, because that was what was expected of me. The fact is, I'd always wanted to give it away. Now that I have it back, I don't have any excuse. Those who knew it was simply that, an excuse, are now starting to give me that look. The look that says: they know. They know and they're not going to let me get away with hiding behind it much longer. There was careful calculation when it was stolen, no stolen implies it was against my will; It was borrowed for a period of two years. When they borrowed it, there was much calculation and planning. Now though, now it's over and just like that, it's been given back. No pomp, no ceremony, no plans. There was comfort in hiding. In the hiding, I could pretend there was a reason I didn't have a boyfriend or get asked out. The freedom to date and be single has been returned to me. No more homework, no more making dinner, no need to grocery shop. The comfort is no longer there. I'm exposed and left vulerable to heart break again. The hope that I would cling to in that comfort zone dwindles. As it slips through my fingers, and the cover is removed the fear begins to suffocate. There was so much planning that went into the past two years, now however; there are no plans. I'm lost and exposed with only the fear to comfort me.